Resolution of 2018 : Putting All My Faith and Trust God more than my feelings

Through break up, i am slowly learning that my feelings can be deceitful and don't always make the right decisions. For this moment, my heart still healing and sometimes fear of being broken again. 

I am exhausted from overthinking and trying to figure out what everything means. Tired of reading too much signs and trying to understand what the universe is trying to tell me. Tired of asking myself too much question I'll never have the answer to. But thankfully, in this situation I have someone to trust. Someone who handles everything I can't.

  I have God. 

I am slowly understand how to trust him over my feelings. Learning to follow him over my heart and how to live beyond my feelings, the life that I know and the lesson I've learned and experienced. I'm slowly learning that my feelings can be transient because they're attached on to certain moment / people, they are always dependent on my current state of mind and I'm learning that if I want to have a calm and stable life, I can't give in to my feelings yet I have to surrender to God, his plan and his timing. 

In 2018, I'm not going to try to interfere with HIS plan. I'm not going into close doors. I'm letting HIM to guide me instead of following my feelings. I'll pray more and fill my heart with HIS love. I'm letting go of my expectations or things or people and trusting God. I'm trusting God's judgment because mine is flawed. 

I am wishing for the best. I'll stop saying "Why God?" and start looking at the lessons he's trying to teach me. I'll start being positive about my future because if God is writting my story, then it will surely be a beautiful one. It may not be an easy one, but I know it has a happy ending. I know it’s filled with dreams coming true and wishes being granted and miracles finding their way to me. I know it’s going to be a story worth living. I know it’s going to be a story of defeat leading to victory. A story of heartbreak followed by love. A story of despair turning into hope.

In 2018, I’m counting on God to make me whole again. I’m done trying to do it myself. I’m done trying to pretend like I know what’s best for me when I have the ultimate teacher waiting for me to put all my faith in him and let him work his magic.

Lets rock 2018! I am ready :)

How a person can hurt you that much in less than a week. but, still Have Faith!

I know i believe him when the first time he told me how much he'd grown and changed.
But the fact is, he may have changed and grown, but not THAT MUCH.
Actually, i come up to realize that actually maybe its not HIM that changed, but its Me and My Understanding of relationships.
I know how it hurts when someone you love let you go so;
I've become more loving and tolerant
I've become more emotionally mature
I forgave him. And forgive myself.

"Have faith that the right one is on his way to you RIGHT NOW
Have faith that life has a better plan for you
Have faith that true love will prevail
You will feel happy and be loved by someone amazing 
But its not him. 
Before you find "HIM", love yourself even more and think that you deserve to be loved. "

Treat yourself the way you crave to be treated. Be your own hero, your own lover, and your own best friend.

Don't treat their leaving as a tragedy, don't treat their leaving as a thunderstorm that only rains down on you. Turn their leaving into a new beginning. Turn their leaving into starting over, into new kinds of love and magic.

I'm getting there , Getting the other side of you.

~Lesson Learned~

Sometimes, it doesn't matter who dumped or get dumped. It all comes down to who's bitter and who get better. 

Break up is not easy, it was tough but I survived. 

It happened slowly. I was getting better, finding ways to make myself happy even I don't have any idea what's going to happen next. No matter how or why it ended, it hurts. More than other people understand. The pain doesn't just go away because I want it to. But, for anyone who going through this, its going to be OK. Why? Because I am the living proof. Proof that time will heal wounds. People who knows me, will know how much I love my "EX" so much. But today, I am here writing this blog and never been this happy before. 

But its going to take some time. Everyone says that, and its true. 

What we need to do is Stop thinking about him, Stop talking about him. But instead, Start talking about Me, Start thinking about Me, Start take care about Me. That's the best path to move on. 

I believe everything happens for a reason. If its God's plan, just know that this hard time will get us prepared for a better time. Its a learning lessons that will be needed in the future. It may not make sense now, but it will, in time. 

Break up, is not something you need to regret about because it teaches us lesson. 

Things may not come exactly as what we planned but at least now, we have a better understanding of what we want and don't want for our next relationship. 

Broken Heart~

This is a good sign having a broken heart, it means we have tried for something. 

Broke up with someone you love, will somehow tear your heart apart. Instead of being sad, you need to buck up and face the truth. Stop thinking about him, because he's not thinking about you. If he is, probably your relationship wont end. Let your heart hurt, let your heart bleed, let your hear heal and let it go.

Keep on trusting God,  even when His answer is "Not Yet". He knows what you can handle and is using where you are to prepare you for where you're going(Hebrews 10:36-37)

There will always be people who dont love you even though they say they do. But it cant stop you from living and feeling loved. Be sure that there are people out there who will love you and never leave and hurt you. And when the time comes, you will be happy again. Just make sure, this time you have to keep them in your life forever.

Be the type of woman that pushes herself to get up, move forward and laugh at all the bullshit she's left behind. No point staying stuck in a hole, crying all time for someone that isn't crying out for you. Your life is more valuable than you think.

Hopefully, the next time i updated this blog, there is already someone i would like to keep forever.

Cheers.

CHANGES

Hi Guys.. :)

Today after sometime, all of sudden just feel to post something that I would like to share with whoever that read my blog.

A very general issue : Changes - Attitude that happen in our society nowadays.. 


In my observation, people tend to go through the same loop. Change from something they say they wouldn't to what actually they would. I remember the stories being told by a very best friend of mine.

Lets say , she is Tina. Tina & Henry have been dating for 7 years before Henry become successful. They tend to do everything together. I still remember how Henry struggles for his first job. But with the support of Tina, he can go through and find a better job until one day Henry being offered a job to become a Regional Manager at Singapore. Tina was happy because one of their dream come true. She help Henry to prepared everything in new place. A full support i can say.

And..

Henry move to Singapore while Tina  at Jakarta waiting for Henry. Job is not easy at first but they can go through. Tina will stay up late just to accompany Henry who are overtime.

But what happened on the 2nd year of their LDR , Henry cheated on Tina. He came back just to break up with Tina. He said " Sorry, i think you can find someone who is better than me. I have cheated on you. Please forgive me " Thats the sentence which come out from a guy that I respect.

Tina, on the other side was very calm and said " Okay , thanks for being honest with me. I appreciated it. Thanks for all the memories." Not even tears came out from her eyes.
She told me that I am hurt but I will find a better man who can appreciate things that I did.

From that day, my thought about it was : Don't put too much hope that someone who you give support to , they won't remember when they have everything.  Don't be too naive despite all the things you did, they still come back the same. Cause this society is harsh.

Waiting for the right time.

When you feel dissapointed in someone, and all your trust is all gone. what should you do?

I am  start questioning , who i can trust? Cause when someone you love break your trust , its just hurts. I am not able to believe anyone else anymore. Second time , having this nightmare is just scary.
Believing in people, just seems so hard nowadays. Cause you have no idea who is with you and who is not.

Is there any second or third chance for someone who lies? I guess probably not. But why am i still here, with him...
For sure, i love him so much.
But...
I am just not sure about my future with him.

Someone who can just leave, and do physical harms to me.
I keep on asking myself why am i still in this relationship for quite sometime.
Maybe one day, i just hope that day will come soon and i will have my own life without him.
I am waiting....

Sincerely,
someone who have lost her trust.

I am in love with you and all your little things

Its always nice to have someone in your life that makes you smile even when they're not around. You give me joy and happiness. We have been through ups and downs in our relationship for this past 1 year. I bet there might be many more to come.

Still on my mind , 16th February was the day we first met. And honestly, I had no idea that we will get close and becoming important to each other.

I love that we can talk for hours about nothing, I love the way that you always make time for me and most of all I love the way you treated me. Every single action and care that you show , tell me about your feeling.

I dont care about your look. I care about action. Cause nothing worth compare to every single attitude you treat me. And today, i am grateful that you really show me that you love me so much despite the fact that i am still immature and expect more.

Thanks for the memorable anniversary surprise and i love it. 

I hope that , next year i can as well write our 2nd Anniversary story here in my very own blog. I know we argue so much these couple months, but i do hope that every thing that we have been through, worth something in the end. Cause you are someone who i would want to keep for life.

Thanks for everything that you brought to my life "Joy , Love and Happiness "and i appreciate every single work that you did for me. Despite the fact that girls will be girls, they will complain, angry and ask for more but believe me, i will try my best to let go all my ego and stubbornness to be more mature.

Keep on supporting us so we can have each other in the future.

Love you so muchh