Love is no fairy tale..

If life ran like a fairy tale, the person we fall in love would not be the person who broke us. Sadly, reality strikes and common things happened. We fall in love, we commit, we get hurt over and over again, and we stay.

Love is addictive. People need people, but sometimes the cost is a heavy one. When its a toxic relationship, the breakage can be far reaching.

A bad relationship isn't about being on downward slide of the usual ups and down. It is one that consistently steals your joy, unpleasant and draining your energy, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones.

Toxic relationship will lead you to changes of emotions of you being constantly uncomfortable, insecure and feeling like you can't talk with your significant others. You will constantly feel bad for doing things, you're not your individual self anymore and you're just serving everything to your partner.

Warning signs of toxic relationship somehow comes from the simplest as if it feels persistent unhappiness, it stops bringing joy and instead consistently makes you feel sad, anxious, angry and most of the time you may feel envious of other happy couples.

By the time you started realizing something wasn't healthy, it has become new normal which didn't seem like big deal at first. You get paralyze in it because you are just used to it.

Toxic relationship was once healthy and happy. Even best relationship can fall into toxic tendencies until the relationship itself become a toxic breeding pool of negative energy. Habits that might have been considered cute quirks in the past might now seem like the most annoying thing in the world, and attempts to fix the relationship can be misinterpreted as passive-aggressive energy.

"Love should never cost you your peace. It should never cost you your joy. It should never cost you your happiness. If there's more negative in the situation than positive, something has to change"

If the relationship feels bad, then its bad for you. That's the only truth that matters. Fight hard to keep your relationship intact, but when there is no fight left, its time to let go.

Only you can decide whether to stay or let go,but be mindful of your decision. Sometimes the bravest, most difficult and most life changing things lie not in what we do,  but in what we stop doing.

The One?

Love isn't an emotion or even a noun, its a verb. Love best defined as giving, as putting someone else needs above your own. 

Focusing on finding this "One" person somewhere out there can be an early setup not only for relationship failure. If one thing doesn't fit or when you start having problems, its easy to dismiss the person and believe that there's someone even better out there. When you're in the early stages of a relationship, its natural to overemphasize the positive and downplay any negatives, but when the infatuation wears off, you see your partner more realistically including their faults. And what happens when problems pop up? Common beliefs I've learned :

" I'm just with the wrong person."

"Maybe there's someone better out there."

"Things would be different with someone else."

"He/She is not my soulmate."

The reality is no matter who you are with, you will have problems. It's impossible for two people to always agree in every situation ; we're too unique for that too happen. Since problem are inevitable, what it means for you when you're dating is to date with the mindset of " What can I live with? What can I compromise on? For example, one person you date may be chronically late, another may drink a little more than you're comfortable with, and another may want to spend more time with you than you want with them. You may have to determine whether behaviors such as these are deal breakers or if you can live with them or find a workable compromise. 

So instead of looking for "The One", look for a "Good One". A man who will treat you well, accept who you are, listen to your needs, and willing to compromise. Obviously, you need to be this kind of person as well. You can't be too rigid, want things your way, think you are always right and expect to be in a happy relationship.

Respect each others difference and manage them so both can feel like you can win when conflict arises.  

Resolution of 2018 : Putting All My Faith and Trust God more than my feelings

Through break up, i am slowly learning that my feelings can be deceitful and don't always make the right decisions. For this moment, my heart still healing and sometimes fear of being broken again. 

I am exhausted from overthinking and trying to figure out what everything means. Tired of reading too much signs and trying to understand what the universe is trying to tell me. Tired of asking myself too much question I'll never have the answer to. But thankfully, in this situation I have someone to trust. Someone who handles everything I can't.

  I have God. 

I am slowly understand how to trust him over my feelings. Learning to follow him over my heart and how to live beyond my feelings, the life that I know and the lesson I've learned and experienced. I'm slowly learning that my feelings can be transient because they're attached on to certain moment / people, they are always dependent on my current state of mind and I'm learning that if I want to have a calm and stable life, I can't give in to my feelings yet I have to surrender to God, his plan and his timing. 

In 2018, I'm not going to try to interfere with HIS plan. I'm not going into close doors. I'm letting HIM to guide me instead of following my feelings. I'll pray more and fill my heart with HIS love. I'm letting go of my expectations or things or people and trusting God. I'm trusting God's judgment because mine is flawed. 

I am wishing for the best. I'll stop saying "Why God?" and start looking at the lessons he's trying to teach me. I'll start being positive about my future because if God is writting my story, then it will surely be a beautiful one. It may not be an easy one, but I know it has a happy ending. I know it’s filled with dreams coming true and wishes being granted and miracles finding their way to me. I know it’s going to be a story worth living. I know it’s going to be a story of defeat leading to victory. A story of heartbreak followed by love. A story of despair turning into hope.

In 2018, I’m counting on God to make me whole again. I’m done trying to do it myself. I’m done trying to pretend like I know what’s best for me when I have the ultimate teacher waiting for me to put all my faith in him and let him work his magic.

Lets rock 2018! I am ready :)

How a person can hurt you that much in less than a week. but, still Have Faith!

I know i believe him when the first time he told me how much he'd grown and changed.
But the fact is, he may have changed and grown, but not THAT MUCH.
Actually, i come up to realize that actually maybe its not HIM that changed, but its Me and My Understanding of relationships.
I know how it hurts when someone you love let you go so;
I've become more loving and tolerant
I've become more emotionally mature
I forgave him. And forgive myself.

"Have faith that the right one is on his way to you RIGHT NOW
Have faith that life has a better plan for you
Have faith that true love will prevail
You will feel happy and be loved by someone amazing 
But its not him. 
Before you find "HIM", love yourself even more and think that you deserve to be loved. "

Treat yourself the way you crave to be treated. Be your own hero, your own lover, and your own best friend.

Don't treat their leaving as a tragedy, don't treat their leaving as a thunderstorm that only rains down on you. Turn their leaving into a new beginning. Turn their leaving into starting over, into new kinds of love and magic.

I'm getting there , Getting the other side of you.

~Lesson Learned~

Sometimes, it doesn't matter who dumped or get dumped. It all comes down to who's bitter and who get better. 

Break up is not easy, it was tough but I survived. 

It happened slowly. I was getting better, finding ways to make myself happy even I don't have any idea what's going to happen next. No matter how or why it ended, it hurts. More than other people understand. The pain doesn't just go away because I want it to. But, for anyone who going through this, its going to be OK. Why? Because I am the living proof. Proof that time will heal wounds. People who knows me, will know how much I love my "EX" so much. But today, I am here writing this blog and never been this happy before. 

But its going to take some time. Everyone says that, and its true. 

What we need to do is Stop thinking about him, Stop talking about him. But instead, Start talking about Me, Start thinking about Me, Start take care about Me. That's the best path to move on. 

I believe everything happens for a reason. If its God's plan, just know that this hard time will get us prepared for a better time. Its a learning lessons that will be needed in the future. It may not make sense now, but it will, in time. 

Break up, is not something you need to regret about because it teaches us lesson. 

Things may not come exactly as what we planned but at least now, we have a better understanding of what we want and don't want for our next relationship. 

Broken Heart~

This is a good sign having a broken heart, it means we have tried for something. 

Broke up with someone you love, will somehow tear your heart apart. Instead of being sad, you need to buck up and face the truth. Stop thinking about him, because he's not thinking about you. If he is, probably your relationship wont end. Let your heart hurt, let your heart bleed, let your hear heal and let it go.

Keep on trusting God,  even when His answer is "Not Yet". He knows what you can handle and is using where you are to prepare you for where you're going(Hebrews 10:36-37)

There will always be people who dont love you even though they say they do. But it cant stop you from living and feeling loved. Be sure that there are people out there who will love you and never leave and hurt you. And when the time comes, you will be happy again. Just make sure, this time you have to keep them in your life forever.

Be the type of woman that pushes herself to get up, move forward and laugh at all the bullshit she's left behind. No point staying stuck in a hole, crying all time for someone that isn't crying out for you. Your life is more valuable than you think.

Hopefully, the next time i updated this blog, there is already someone i would like to keep forever.

Cheers.

CHANGES

Hi Guys.. :)

Today after sometime, all of sudden just feel to post something that I would like to share with whoever that read my blog.

A very general issue : Changes - Attitude that happen in our society nowadays.. 


In my observation, people tend to go through the same loop. Change from something they say they wouldn't to what actually they would. I remember the stories being told by a very best friend of mine.

Lets say , she is Tina. Tina & Henry have been dating for 7 years before Henry become successful. They tend to do everything together. I still remember how Henry struggles for his first job. But with the support of Tina, he can go through and find a better job until one day Henry being offered a job to become a Regional Manager at Singapore. Tina was happy because one of their dream come true. She help Henry to prepared everything in new place. A full support i can say.

And..

Henry move to Singapore while Tina  at Jakarta waiting for Henry. Job is not easy at first but they can go through. Tina will stay up late just to accompany Henry who are overtime.

But what happened on the 2nd year of their LDR , Henry cheated on Tina. He came back just to break up with Tina. He said " Sorry, i think you can find someone who is better than me. I have cheated on you. Please forgive me " Thats the sentence which come out from a guy that I respect.

Tina, on the other side was very calm and said " Okay , thanks for being honest with me. I appreciated it. Thanks for all the memories." Not even tears came out from her eyes.
She told me that I am hurt but I will find a better man who can appreciate things that I did.

From that day, my thought about it was : Don't put too much hope that someone who you give support to , they won't remember when they have everything.  Don't be too naive despite all the things you did, they still come back the same. Cause this society is harsh.